


All Fall Down

by Mnemosyne_Elegy



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Broken Friendships, F/M, Gen, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-11-02 11:22:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20729168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mnemosyne_Elegy/pseuds/Mnemosyne_Elegy
Summary: A job gone wrong leaves the guild planning a funeral instead of a wedding, and the team is falling apart. Gray shoulders the blame, and the fallout threatens to break everything. Lucy is gone, Natsu is grieving the love of his life and is going to lose his best friend too if he can't forgive, Erza is fighting a losing battle to keep her family together, and Gray is just...broken.





	1. Part 1

**Part 1**

* * *

Natsu was a groaning heap by the window and clearly not paying attention to anything other than the number the lurching train was doing on his motion sickness, but Lucy was undeterred.

"I was thinking about some kind of pretty floral design and filigree for the cake. What do you think?" When he didn't respond, she nudged him in the side with her elbow and elicited another moan. "Natsu?"

"Don't care," he mumbled. "But dragons would be way cooler."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "You don't put _dragons _on a wedding cake."

Still, she had to smile a little as he leaned away from the window to flop over on her lap instead. She brushed the hair out of his eyes and resigned herself to being a life-size snuggle pillow. If Natsu had his way, the entire wedding would be dragon-themed.

"How about a compromise?" Erza suggested. She leaned forward from where she was sitting across from Lucy. "You know the wedding toppers? Instead of just doing normal figurines, you could have a dragon for Natsu and then dress you up like a princess. A play on the old dragon-and-princess cliché."

"Except the dragon _does _get the princess," Natsu mumbled, although his eyes stayed clamped shut.

Lucy chuckled fondly. "So he does. Well, I think it's a _great_ idea! That would be _so _cute!"

Erza smiled, visibly pleased with herself. Lucy had been a little worried when she had declared she would be a wedding planner, but her girly side has asserted itself with a vengeance and she was nearly as excited about the whole affair as Lucy herself. And although part of it was just that she was caught up in the glitz and glamor, cake and pretty dresses, Lucy suspected the real reason Erza was so enthusiastic was because she was thrilled to see two of her friends finally getting married after so many years dancing around each other. It was the only wedding on the horizon for the team since Erza had finally given up waiting for Jellal and Gray had never shown an interest in Juvia or anyone else to start with, so it was kind of a big deal.

"It would be, wouldn't it?" Erza asked smugly. "I'm very good at this whole wedding planning thing. And while we're on the topic of cake, have you given any more thought to–?"

"_Not _strawberry," Lucy interrupted, rolling her eyes. This was something of a bone of contention between them, but she wasn't budging.

"I'm just saying–"

"Oh my _gosh_," Gray groaned. He had spent most of the trip staring out the window and trying to tune out the wedding discussion, but apparently he had finally had enough. He leaned away from the window and scowled at the girls. "Can we lay off the wedding talk for five minutes? Seriously. Give me a break."

Happy had long since abandoned Natsu and Lucy to hide by Gray, but now he looked up from where he was tucked against the ice mage's side and removed his paws from his ears. "I agree with Gray!"

"Me too," Natsu muttered.

"_What?_" Lucy's hand tightened painfully in her fiancée's hair. It was one thing for Gray and Happy to be tired of hearing about the wedding, but this was Natsu's wedding too. "Whose side are you on?"

"Yours, yours," Natsu groaned. He curled up tighter against her. "Always Lucy's."

"That's better." Lucy went back to stroking his hair instead of trying to scalp him. She rolled her eyes in Gray and Happy's direction. "There's only a couple months left before the wedding and still lots to plan. Sorry if I'm a little preoccupied with it."

"But it's all you've been talking about for _months_," Happy said mutinously.

"And?" Erza huffed out a breath and glared daggers at the boys. "Weddings are important! They're exciting! They have to be perfect!" She shook her head in disgust. "Guys don't get it."

"It's not that I don't get it," Gray said. "But I got those two together so that we'd have to deal with _less _of their relationship drama."

"What're you talking about?" Natsu slurred, flipping over to glare across at Gray. "You didn't get us together."

Gray scoffed. "Of course I did. You're too dense to have figured it out on your own. If we waited on you, there'd be no wedding for another ten years."

"He's not _that _bad," Lucy defended loyally. Gray raised an eyebrow and she coughed and subsided. He had a point.

"I thought it worked, too," he muttered. "But we only replaced one thing with another. There's less rampant sexual tension, but now it's all wedding talk all day, every day."

"Gray!" Lucy sputtered, flushing hotter than Natsu's flames. "There was no–no _sexual tension_!"

Happy snorted. "Uh, yeah. There definitely was."

Even Erza shrugged apologetically and nodded.

"Mm," Natsu hummed. He seemed to have gotten over his irritation with Gray now, lulled back into his half-conscious daze from the motion sickness and Lucy's fingers in his hair. "Less tension, more sex."

"_Natsu!_" Lucy screeched.

Gray burst out laughing and nearly toppled right off the seat and onto the floor. Happy actually _did _fall to the floor when he rolled a little too far while cackling. Erza did her best to disguise her laughter as coughing, but it wasn't an effective technique.

Lucy sighed and fought down her blush. Still, she couldn't really be mad at Natsu. It was just the way he was. As if sensing her thoughts, he slipped one of his hands into hers. She smiled.

She couldn't really be too offended by Gray, either. He was, after all, the one who had finally prodded Natsu into action by walking right up to Lucy one day and asking her out when Natsu was right beside her. That had been a shocking moment since no one but Juvia had suspected that Gray had designs on Lucy. As it turned out, Juvia had been wrong again and that was only Gray's tough-love way of forcing Natsu's hand. He had gotten a broken nose for his efforts, but he had been laughing even while Natsu was attacking him.

"Well, if you want her so badly," he had said, "you'd better go get her before she gets tired of waiting for you and you lose your chance."

The memory still made Lucy smile. Natsu and Gray were such odd friends, but they got things done. And Lucy couldn't say that she was disappointed Gray had finally taken matters into his own hands, even if it had been absolutely mortifying at the time. She had been starting to think that Natsu would make her wait forever.

But if breaking them apart took as much work and time as getting them together, they would have a long and happy and loving marriage. Lucy couldn't wait.

"Alright," she conceded, suddenly feeling much more magnanimous towards Gray. "What would _you _like to talk about?"

He eyed her suspiciously. "Anything besides the wedding. I mean, we're going on a job. Even talking about _that _would be more interesting."

"Good idea!" Lucy's face lit up. "It's great that it's such a high-paying job. I still have to pay rent until I'm through with my lease and move in with Natsu, and _weddings _are so expensive!"

Gray uttered a cry of despair and dropped his forehead against the window with a loud _thunk_. "Why me?"

Point for Lucy. She might love the guy to pieces, but he _had _complained about her wedding.

Happy was stuck somewhere between groaning and laughing, while Erza made no show of hiding her satisfaction this time. Lucy leaned back comfortably and watched them all with a small smile on her face.

They were all dorks, but she loved them for it. Erza would be the perfect maid of honor, it was inconceivable that Natsu's best man would be anyone other than Gray, and Happy had already agreed to be the ring bearer—although Lucy would have to keep an eye on him and consider giving him fakes since he had already mused aloud about hiding them as a prank. And Natsu… Natsu would be the perfect husband, even if he was kind of an idiot.

Lucy carded her fingers through his hair, and he sighed contentedly. Someday, she wanted a little girl with hair as pink as his. And maybe a girl that looked like her. And maybe a boy with Natsu's eyes. Gray and Erza would make perfect godparents, and there were plenty of other great choices among the rest of the guild for any extras. Levy and Gajeel would jump at the chance. Or Levy would, anyway. Gajeel would probably mutter mutinously and let Levy pull him along for the ride.

They would just have to wait and see what the future held on that. Lucy didn't mind. She already knew enough to believe that it would be a _wonderful _future. She would have Natsu by her side and the team would always be together, laughing and bickering and teasing just like this.

That was all she really wanted out of life, and it made her happier than anything to know that nothing could ever break them apart.

* * *

Gray coughed out a curse and lunged behind some debris to avoid the giant rock that was ripped out of the floor and thrown at his head. Warm liquid trickled down his arm. He leaned back against the wall and sucked in a breath through gritted teeth as he traced his fingers down the gash running up his left arm to ice it over and stop the bleeding.

There was another cut on his right leg where a sharp piece of rock had sliced along it, which was making it painful to keep dodging around. Not to mention that he'd already taken out a string of less compelling villains before running into the leader himself, who proved to be far stronger than originally thought. So now Gray was running out of magic and wishing that the team hadn't thought it was a great idea to have everyone split up.

It really sucked to have an opponent that could turn the entire room into a weapon.

"Come out, little ice mage!"

The only consolation was that this guy wasn't as strong as Jura, even if he had similar powers. Gray was extremely tired of being pelted with pebbles and crushed by rocks.

Time to finish things.

He bit back a pained grunt as he bent to scoop a handful of pebbles off the ground. He wound his arm back and tossed them across the room, where they clattered against the stone floor. On the bright side, the dark mage had already torn up the floor and walls from using chunks of them as missiles, and now the room had rocky debris everywhere and lots of hiding places. It wouldn't be that much of a stretch to imagine that Gray had snuck around was cowering somewhere on the other side of the room.

A loud crash echoed through the chamber as the dark mage ripped a huge chunk out of the wall and flattened the place the noise had come from.

"I wonder, did I squash you this time?" he mused.

Pity Natsu hadn't run across this guy. Those two would have had tons of fun destroying everything. Birds of a feather.

Footsteps slapped against stone as the man headed over to check if he'd managed to catch his prey. Gray stood stock-still and watched with unblinking eyes as a tall, brown-haired man stepped into view and peered into the corner, back to him.

Gray didn't wait for an invitation. His hands flew through the air like lightning, and a hammer of ice came crashing down over the dark mage's head, sending him slamming to the ground. Gray let out a breath and limped over.

The man wasn't quite unconscious, but his eyes were unfocused and he moaned in a satisfying fashion.

Gray nudged him with the toe of his boot. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to tell me exactly how many of your minions are swarming around this place?"

"Never," the man bit out. "This base was impregnable. _I _was unbeatable! What do you and your little friends think you're doing?"

"Uh…beating you?"

A strange, sinister smile worked its way over the dark mage's face even though he stared up with empty eyes, somewhere balancing on the edge of consciousness. "No, you aren't. You could never beat me, and you'll never leave here alive."

His hand curled against the floor. Magic shot out in waves—how could he possibly still be able to use that much magic while barely able to stay awake?—and the entire room began to shake.

"What are you doing?" Gray asked in alarm. "Stop it! This place is underground. You're going to collapse the whole building on top and break through the ceiling and crush us. That would kill you too! And your guild!"

The man only smiled wider. He was certifiably insane, or had lost what little remained of his common sense along with the brain trauma he had just sustained. Gray slammed his foot down on his face with the sharp snapping of bone, and the dark mage's eyes rolled back as he finally lost consciousness for good. But the damage was already done.

The whole structure seemed to shudder, and a loud snap rang through the air as a crack shot through the wall. Gray didn't know exactly how far the magic had extended, but… Shit. The bastard was going to bring the whole place down on them.

He lurched for the wall and slammed his hands against the rough stone, pouring out all the magic he had left. His head spun in a dizzying fashion. The next thing he knew, he was slumped over on the floor, blinking blankly at the wall. He pulled himself back to his feet with a curse, swaying dangerously.

Glittering ice climbed the walls and wedged itself into the cracks, and he could feel his magic seeping into the stone and traveling along the rest of the base to support the structure. He could already feel it weighing down on him and putting a strain on his magic and body. The building was stabilized for now, but… There was a large two-story building above ground-level and a whole sprawling labyrinth below ground, and that was too much weight and stone to support for long.

His magic had already been running low and now it was stretched thin, straining to reach every part of the failing structure. He had nothing left to give, and he couldn't hold it for long. Everyone needed to get out _now_.

He started for the door, but his eye caught on the unconscious man sprawled across the ground and he groaned. The crazy bastard probably wasn't worth the effort, but…it wasn't like Gray could just leave him here. Gray grabbed him beneath the arms and dragged him over the rocky ground and out of the room, still swaying unsteadily on his feet, lightheaded from the pain and fatigue. The guy was _heavy_ and Gray didn't have the energy to do any better than this.

"Natsu! Erza! Lucy! Happy! Everyone needs to get out of here right now! The whole place is collapsing!"

His voice echoed along the dimly lit corridors in a haunting ricochet, and he could only hope that everyone heard him and both his team and all the stupid dark mages made it out in time. He kept yelling as he struggled to drag the man back down the hallway and made for the stairs to the main level so that he could effect their escape. He yelled long after his throat was hoarse and scraped raw just to make sure, and couldn't even summon up the energy to feel bitter as a handful of dark mages appeared from various rooms and scampered to safety.

It was all he could do to put one foot in front of the other and concentrate on maintaining the magic that was their only thin—quickly weakening—defense against getting crushed by tons of stone.

* * *

The floor seemed to jump oddly beneath Natsu's feet, but he just slammed the dark mage to the ground and paused, tilting his head as he heard snatches of yelling filtering down the passageway.

"Natsu! Erza! Lucy! Happy! Everyone needs to get out of here right now! The whole place is collapsing!"

"Is that Gray?" Happy asked. He fluttered his wings nervously and looked back down the dimly lit corridor. "That doesn't sound good."

"He says the place is collapsing," Natsu said.

On cue, the walls shuddered and a jagged crack shot through the ceiling above their heads, sending stone dust raining down on them like ash. A thin sheen of ice spread across the ceiling like a living thing, stopping up the chasm, but not even that could stop the tremors running through the entire base. Gray must be channeling magic into the structure to give them a chance to escape before it all fell down.

"Not good!" Happy wailed. "We need to go!"

Natsu nodded. "Lucy–"

"Lucy is still upstairs near the front. She'll probably get out before any of us. _We're _the ones farthest from the exit. We need to go."

Happy had a point. He and Natsu had trekked to the far side of the underground bunker while Gray handled the front half, and the girls were still sweeping the upstairs. More than likely, Natsu and Happy would be the last ones out.

"Guess we'd better get these guys too," Natsu grumbled.

He leaned down to heave up the unconscious dark mage at his feet and throw him across his shoulders, and then they were off. Their progress was slowed considerably by the fact that they'd left a trail of unconscious enemies behind them, and Natsu couldn't conscience leaving any of them here to be crushed. He had to lug around a few, and even Happy struggled under the weight of ferrying along two of them. Luckily, it seemed like a few had woken up in the meantime or weren't entirely incapacitated to start with, because Natsu didn't see how they would be able to get _all _of them out.

The bunker rumbled mutinously all around them, plaster and small chunks of rock falling from the ceiling. The ice held—of course it did, because Gray was strong—but it was better not to press their luck. They moved as quickly as possible, traversing the underground labyrinth back the way they'd come and hobbling up the staircase.

The ground floor seemed to be suffering as much damage as the basement. The floor trembled and shook under the strain, and one of the walls in a room they passed through was halfway collapsed. Natsu and Happy hurried all the way to the front of the building, dodging rubble and bits of falling ceiling. Bursting out the front door, they dragged their unwieldy burdens several feet away before dropping them well out of the danger zone.

Natsu spotted Gray standing a bit farther back with an unconscious man sprawled beside him in the grass, staring straight ahead at the quaking building with dull eyes. He looked pretty beat up and exhausted, but maybe the empty look in his eyes was just because he was focusing on the magic that no one else could see. Erza stood up from where she'd been hogtying some near-escapees and brushed off her skirts.

"Oh, good," she said. "I'm glad you two made it out. You were so far back."

"Is Lu–?"

"Is everyone out?" Gray asked dully, his zombielike gaze unwavering.

Natsu looked around and unease began creeping over him. "Where's Lucy?"

Erza frowned. "She was closer than the rest of us. I thought that maybe she'd left through a side entrance, but I still don't see her."

Natsu spat out a curse. Anything could have happened. Lucy could be hurt or incapacitated or trapped under a bit of fallen debris or lost somewhere in the depths of the building. He should have gone and looked for her, but he'd thought…

"Lucy!" he called, lunging forward.

The building groaned ominously, and something in the air snapped with the force of a reverberating shockwave. And the whole structure collapsed like a house of cards as the ice supporting its skeleton fell away

"No!" Natsu screamed. "Lucy!"

Happy grabbed the back of his shirt and tugged him back, straining every muscle in his little body. "You can't go in there!" he wailed. "It's falling down!"

Natsu thrashed like a wild beast, desperate to fight his way through the chaos to find Lucy, but Happy held on tight. "What the hell, Gray?" he roared. "Lucy's still in there! Why did you let go?"

But he couldn't look back. His wide, horrified eyes stayed fixed on the stone graveyard as the rumbling died down and the clouds of dust began to settle. All that was left was a rocky wasteland, still groaning as the rubble settled.

Natsu ripped himself out of Happy's grasp and ran for the deathtrap, his feet slapping the ground in time to his thundering heartbeat, and this time his friend didn't stop him. He scrambled over the piles of rubble, slipping and sliding as pieces shifted beneath his feet, and began frantically digging through all the debris as he called for Lucy.

He was probably worried about nothing. Maybe Lucy had already escaped through a different entrance. Or maybe she was still inside somewhere but had found some protection. She was fine. She had to be.

Erza and Happy joined the desperate search, spreading out to sift through the rocks. They knew the general area Lucy should have been in, and they would find her. Natsu wasn't as careful as he should have been in the shifting debris, but he didn't care about cuts or bruises or fingertips scraped raw. All he wanted was Lucy.

It seemed like they searched for an eternity before a choked sob rang through the air.

"Natsu!" Erza called, her voice breaking. "She's over here."

Natsu rushed over and crashed to his knees beside her, gravel and sharp-edged rock digging into his skin. Lucy was lying on her back, eyes closed and golden hair bright against the drab gray of the stone surrounding her. Erza continued digging her body out with trembling hands.

Natsu couldn't hear her breathing or her heartbeat, sounds as familiar to him as his own. Why couldn't he hear it?

"We need to get her back to the guild," he said. His voice trembled. "We need to get her to Wendy."

"She's gone, Natsu." Erza let out a shaky breath and swiped her hand across her eyes. "I'm so sorry, but she's gone."

"No, it's not too late. If we could get a healer–"

"Natsu, she's not breathing. She has no heartbeat. Her head…"

Lucy's limbs were twisted at odd angles. One side of her head was smashed, leaking blood and fluids. Natsu didn't want to look at that. He only wanted to look at her face so that he could convince himself she was just sleeping.

But he curled over Lucy and cried, because Erza was right and it wasn't _fair_. Only a couple hours ago, Lucy had been breathing and laughing and _alive_. They were supposed to get married. They were supposed to have a little girl that looked exactly like her, sunny and happy and smiling like her mother. They were supposed to have _time_.

Natsu wailed and clutched Lucy's broken body to his chest. Erza and Happy were crying too and touching him, trying to comfort him when they couldn't even comfort themselves. He didn't want comfort.

He held Lucy until he had finally cried himself out and was left with that numb, hollow, heavy feeling that came when you ran out of tears. Slowly, he picked himself up from the rubble and pulled Lucy up with him. She hung limp in his grip. They hadn't gotten the chance to say goodbye, even. He couldn't bear to say goodbye now when she couldn't hear him.

"Natsu?" Erza rasped. Her eyes were red and swollen as she pulled herself to his feet.

Happy hovered alongside and brushed a paw along Natsu's arm.

Natsu turned away and stumbled through the wreckage with heavy, unsteady steps. He tried to summon up memories of when Lucy had been laughing and happy, but right now he barely had the energy to think at all.

At least until he stepped onto open ground and spotted the last remaining member of their team.

Gray was kneeling on the ground in the same spot he'd been standing, hands braced against the grass. His dark eyes were empty and dead as he stared straight forward as if he wasn't seeing anything at all.

Suddenly, Natsu's grief turned to rage. He was gentle as he lowered Lucy to the ground, but then he charged forward and grabbed Gray by the collar, dragging him up. Gray stayed limp and unresponsive, still staring blankly.

"How dare you?" Natsu yelled. He shook his one-time friend roughly, but Gray was just deadweight. "You knew she wasn't out yet! You _knew_!"

Gray's head flopped forward, his hair falling over his eyes. One lone tear tracked down his cheek.

Somehow, that only made Natsu angrier. Everyone else was crying their eyes out, and Gray had one fucking tear?

"I trusted you!" Natsu roared, pulling one arm back and slamming his fist into Gray's face. Gray didn't react, and that only made Natsu want to hit him all the harder. "I trusted you! You killed her! I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"

People were screaming behind him, and he was almost glad when Erza finally managed to pull him off Gray, because he felt like he would just keep going and going and going until there was nothing left of him.


	2. Part 2

* * *

**Part 2**

* * *

Erza didn't hear the words coming out of her own mouth. This was intentional. Her eyes were unfocused and her voice a monotone as she laid out the details of their tragedy to the guild. She already knew what happened. It already broke her inside. She didn't need to hear the words.

The guild was stunned, horrified, grief-stricken. They fussed over Natsu and reached for Lucy's body with trembling hands. He wouldn't let her go—he had refused to release her body ever since he'd picked it up again after Erza pulled him off of Gray—but his grief-fueled rage had petered out and he just stood still and stared at the ground as he let everyone touch. Most everyone was crying. Levy was actually wailing loudly enough to break both eardrums and hearts. People were demanding answers, asking questions, expressing disbelief as if Lucy could still be somehow magically saved.

Erza continued on placidly, rote words springing to her tongue and falling on deaf ears.

Lucy was gone. She couldn't believe it. They had been arguing over _cake_ and discussing dresses and planning invitations. Erza had been helping to plan Lucy's wedding, and now she would be planning a funeral.

And in her absence, the team was imploding. She would leave a gaping hole no matter what, but… Erza had hoped that the team was strong enough to stick together and rely on each other in even the hardest of times, but this had wrecked them.

Natsu was a mess, and he was using Gray as a scapegoat to vent his pain. He was going to tear what was left of the team apart from the inside out if he didn't figure out how to let go.

And Gray, who had made a terrible mistake and would pay the price… Gray had not said a word since the accident and had gone straight to his apartment upon reaching Magnolia, still shambling like an injured zombie. Even if Natsu could learn to stop blaming Gray, Erza was not sure Gray would learn to stop blaming himself.

She and Happy were left floating somewhere in the middle of the divide, somewhere in the gulf that had so suddenly opened up between Natsu and Gray in the space where Lucy should have been. Happy would stick by Natsu, but maybe he could help prod the dragon slayer into reconciling with Gray. And Erza would have to strike a balance between them both, somehow.

But they were falling apart. Erza had lost Lucy—beautiful, cheerful, kind Lucy—and she was afraid that she was losing the rest of her friends too.

"That's enough," Mira said. She blocked Erza's field of vision to cradle her face and stop the flow of words. Her eyes were big and sad, her cheeks tearstained. "That's enough. I'm sorry."

Erza snapped her mouth shut. She didn't even know what she'd been saying or how long she'd been rambling. She didn't realize she had been crying until Mira gently wiped away the tears.

She stared at the moisture beading on Mira's fingertips and looked back. Natsu was still standing with hunched shoulders, cradling Lucy, while Happy fluttered anxiously beside him. Gray, of course, was gone.

Erza took a deep breath and blinked back her tears. Lucy had wanted her friends to be together as much as Erza did. Gray and Natsu would tear them apart, and Happy could only do so much.

Erza had always been the leader. The one who made the tough decisions no one else could and kept everyone in line and together. It was her job to stand strong while the others were falling apart. She couldn't afford to indulge her grief like the others, because she was the one who had to hold them together.

She would fight it to the end, this losing battle to keep her family together.

* * *

"Natsu, we should go to the guild," Happy said.

"Mm, five more minutes."

Natsu curled tighter and buried his face in the blankets, breathing in Lucy's scent. Today it was laced with a whiff of something fruity with a hint of honey and vanilla, but it was just as warm and homey as always. She was right next to him, just stirring from her sleep. Any moment now, she would wake up fully, realize he was here, and start yelling and shoving him out of bed for sneaking in during the night again. When he opened his eyes, he would see her large brown eyes staring back at him.

"Natsu… Everyone will be worried."

Natsu opened his eyes and was not prepared for the sight of Happy staring at him solemnly with Lucy nowhere to be seen. It felt like falling, the realization that she was _gone_.

His hand tightened, fingers sliding against the rumpled sheets and curling around the ring of keys until the smooth metal pressed firmly into his skin. Maybe it was selfish of him to keep them when he couldn't even use them like another celestial mage could, but they had been a big piece of Lucy's heart and he couldn't bear to let them go.

One day, sometime much too soon, this apartment would no longer smell like Lucy. Already it smelled too much like Natsu and Happy since they'd been spending so much time here. Natsu didn't know what he'd do when that time came. He could still look around and see Lucy's things, but that only made everything feel emptier because it was all here but her. Only her scent was still _her_, and it would be gone soon enough.

One day, he supposed, the whole apartment would be gone—cleared out, leased to someone new. It wasn't fair. This was _Lucy's _apartment and no one else belonged here. She had been planning to move in with him, sure, but that was _different_. Because she would have still been there, would have made a new home with him. This was like erasing her, as if she'd never lived here at all.

"You're right," Natsu rasped. He rolled over and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "We should go."

In the three days since… In the three days since, he had at least made sure to drop by the guild for a few hours each day, even if he spent most of his time just with Happy in silence away from everyone. The guild was devastated—everyone had loved Lucy, beautiful Lucy who had shone a light into all of their hearts—but they were quick to try offering him comfort. It didn't work, but at least they tried.

Natsu took a deep breath and held it as he stepped outside and shut the door behind him. He trudged down the street and held his breath until he began seeing spots in his vision, holding the last lingering traces of Lucy's scent in his lungs. Then he had to concede defeat and suck in a new breath, and the smells of the bustling street ravaged his senses and eclipsed that last little piece of the girl who held his heart.

Natsu set his mouth in a grim line, slid the jangling keys into his pocket, and forged on. Happy stayed quiet as he flew alongside the dragon slayer. He hadn't cracked a joke in days. He talked sometimes, trying to be comforting, and other times he stayed quiet, but part of Natsu longed to hear him make some stupid wisecrack even though he knew he wouldn't find it funny now.

Taking a deep breath, he strode up to the guild and pushed the doors open. And stopped in his tracks.

Gray was standing in a cluster of other mages with Erza beside him, dressed in black from head to toe. He was quiet while the others talked and still had that dull, faraway look in his eyes. Actually, he looked horrible. Pinched and drawn and more like a ghost of himself than anything.

Good.

"What is _he _doing here?" Natsu snarled. His hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Gray hadn't dared show his face here since he had killed Lucy. Since he had carelessly let the entire building collapse even though he knew Lucy was still inside. He had been Natsu's best friend. Natsu had _trusted _him. Trusted him with his life, with _Lucy's_ life. The betrayal cut deep.

An ugly bruise still bloomed on Gray's cheek, sickly purple fading to green against his pale skin, where Natsu had hit him. Natsu had done his absolute best not to think of Gray at all over the past days, to wipe him from existence so that he didn't have to face that pain too, but that bruise was a damning brand.

Gray didn't look up, but everyone else did.

"Natsu!" Erza said. "I'm glad you could make it–"

"What the _hell _is he doing here?"

Erza wavered but then held her head high. "This is his guild too. He still–"

"He killed her," Natsu rasped. "He–"

"That is untrue and you know it!" Erza said sharply. It was the first time anyone had dared raise their voice to him in days, treated him like something other than fragile, breaking glass. "And it took me forever to convince him to come at all, so don't you dare chase him off."

"He knew she hadn't made it out, and he dropped the magic anyway!" Natsu glared at Gray. Gray didn't react at all, unwavering gaze still fixed on the floor. That made Natsu furious, that he could still just sit there and not react at all. He took a threatening step forward. "How _dare _he come here?"

"Stop!" Erza stepped in front of Gray protectively. "I know you're grieving, but you can't just blame–"

"How dare you protect him?" Natsu seethed, stalking forward. Not only had Gray betrayed him, but it seemed like Erza was too.

"Natsu, don't!" Happy said. He grabbed the back of Natsu's shirt and hung on for dear life, every muscle in his little body straining to pull the dragon slayer back.

A ragged line of mages formed between Natsu and Gray as several people rushed to intervene.

"It was an accident, Natsu," Lisanna said gently. Her eyes were watering, and she swiped the back of her hand across them. "It was a tragedy, but it was an accident."

"No, he–!"

"When I accidentally 'killed' Lisanna, no one blamed me but myself," Elfman said. His expression was sympathetic yet firm. "You didn't attack or threaten me, even when you cared about her so much. You knew it was an accident, that I didn't mean it."

"That's not the same!" Natsu cried. "She wasn't dead."

"No, but we didn't know that at the time, did we?"

Natsu's brain churned to come up with the right response to that. He knew there had to be a reason why it was different, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. But there was _something_. There had to be it.

"It's not the same," he spat finally.

"Natsu, please," Erza said quietly. "We're all mourning. It's a difficult time for all of us. Let's at least do it together."

Natsu glowered past the intervening row of mages at Gray, who had not so much as twitched throughout the entire exchange. He spat on the ground.

"Together? There is no together. Not with him."

And he spun on his heel and stalked right back out of the guild.

* * *

Happy shifted uncomfortably on the bed and watched as Natsu paced around Lucy's bedroom in furious circles. There would be no easy way to talk him down after that disastrous showdown at the guild, but Erza had pulled Happy aside a couple days ago and said that she needed his help getting Natsu to reconcile with Gray, so he would have to try. Happy knew that Natsu still needed Gray and Erza and everyone else, even if he wouldn't admit it to himself yet. Watching him self-destruct hurt as much as seeing Gray wither away. Almost as much as seeing Lucy die.

"You really shouldn't blame him," Happy said. "He really cared about Lucy, about all of us. He would do anything to protect us. Whatever happened at that moment…it was an accident."

Natsu whipped around and glared. "You too? First Gray and then Erza and now you? Whose side are you on, exactly?"

Happy kept his gaze steady as he stared back, unruffled. He understood Natsu better than Natsu understood himself, and he knew a thing or two about how his friend handled grief. Natsu would rather be angry. Which meant that he needed something to be angry at, which meant that he needed a scapegoat. Gray had been an easy target.

Natsu was tough and resilient. Lucy's death would break him, shatter him into a million pieces, but he would recover and rebuild himself just like he always did. Like he'd done after Lisanna 'died' and Igneel died. The scars would stay, but Natsu would survive. That was the kind of person he was.

Deep down, he knew that Gray hadn't killed Lucy, that it had been a tragic accident. When he didn't need the anger so much anymore, he would realize it. The question was, would he realize it in time?

Because this was breaking Gray too, and it was breaking Gray and Natsu apart. Happy was afraid that if Natsu waited too long, he would lose his chance to repair things with Gray. Losing Lucy was bad enough, but losing Gray too? Happy didn't know how Natsu would handle losing both the love of his life and his best friend at the same time. He didn't want to see Natsu break any more than he already had.

"I'll always stick by you, and you know it. But Gray is my friend too, and you're hurting him as much as you're hurting yourself. There aren't 'sides'."

Natsu's eyes narrowed. "Oh, there are definitely–"

"Do you think," Happy interrupted thoughtfully, "that this hurts even more because of what happened to Lisanna and Igneel?"

"What?" Natsu froze, eyes widening. "Don't be stupid. They're totally different things. It hurts because of _Lucy_."

"Of course you really hurt over Lucy. I'm just saying, you lost Lisanna in a similar way and Igneel only died a couple years ago. It brings up memories and makes things worse when you've lost too much already."

Natsu turned away. "You're wrong."

"Gray feels like he killed Ur too, even though that was also an accident. He felt horrible about how Lyon blamed him afterwards and felt like he ruined his life. Do you think that Lucy is his new Ur? Do you think that you're his new Lyon?"

There was a long pause, heavy with too many memories and heartbreaks on both sides.

"It doesn't matter," Natsu rasped. "I don't care."

Happy stared solemnly at his back, at the hollow dipping between his hunched shoulders. "I think you do."

"I don't!" Natsu spun back around again, anger written into every line of his face. "I _hope _he hurts! He deserves it! He–!"

"Natsu?"

"…What?" Natsu paused his tirade at the quiet quiver in Happy's voice.

"I miss Lucy," Happy said in a small voice. His ears flattened and he looked down at his paws as he blinked back tears.

He _did_. He missed how red she would get when he teased her about Natsu and how worked up she got about every little jab he took at her. He missed how she didn't like fish but would come sit with him and Natsu on fishing trips anyway. He missed the way that she had scratched gently behind his ears when she thought he was asleep. He missed her smile and the sound of her laugh and the way she wore her heart on her sleeve. He missed…_her_.

Footsteps approached the bed and Natsu sat down, the mattress dipping under his weight. He wrapped his arms around Happy and tugged him into his lap.

"I know," he said softly, hugging the little feline tightly. "I do too. It's okay, I'm here."

Happy buried his face in Natsu's shirt and sniffled. "Erza misses her too. So does Gray. Everyone does. Why can't we all miss her together?"

When there was no response, Happy didn't press the point. He knew that Natsu didn't have an answer.

* * *

"You should come," Erza said.

Gray closed his eyes, let his breath out in a sigh, and leaned his head against the back of his couch. "I don't think that's a good idea," he said in a voice raspy with disuse.

Erza tugged one of her feet up onto the cushion beside her and leaned forward a little as she wrapped her arms around her bent knee. "She was your friend too. You have as much of a right to attend her funeral as anyone else. And as much of a right to come to the guild."

Gray had refused to come back to the guild after Natsu's meltdown, which she couldn't fault him for. It killed her inside. She wanted to see them back together, but they couldn't even be in the same room. Next thing she knew, she'd have to assign them 'custody' days and visitation rights so that they could each come when the other wasn't around. She hated how it had come to this.

"I'd rather not antagonize Natsu," Gray said.

Erza wanted to protest, but she knew she was already on thin ice. It was miracle enough that he had started letting her into his apartment again and would sometimes talk to her. A few other friends had been to see him since the accident, but visits were rarely satisfying.

Gray was wasting away like a ghost, barely eating or talking at all no matter how much Erza pestered him. The dead look in his eyes that had been there since Lucy's death frightened her.

She didn't want to risk pushing him too far and having him shut down on her now.

"He doesn't really think it's your fault, you know," she said instead. "It's just his way of coping with grief. He'll come around sooner or later."

Gray's eyes slid halfway open to study her and she got the impression that he wanted to disagree, but all he said was, "I've known Natsu for years. I know how his brain works."

"Yeah…" Erza cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Gray… What really happened? I know it was an accident, but… You seemed like you were really beat up and out of it already. Did you…?"

She swallowed hard past the lump in her throat. This was the first time she'd dared directly bring up the accident with him. She had her suspicions about what had happened and she didn't think it was sheer carelessness, but maybe she just needed to hear it for closure.

Gray stared at her for a long time before leaning over and resting his forehead against hers. "Erza," he said softly, his breath tickling her skin, "you don't always have to be the strong one. You're allowed to fall apart too. It's not your fault that you can't hold us together."

Erza's breath hitched and her eyes filled with tears, and after an agonizing moment, she threw her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. He stiffened but then wrapped his arms around her too.

The tears Erza had been fighting to hold back all these days burned like acid behind her eyes and in her throat, and suddenly they broke free in ragged sobs even as she tried to choke them down again. She missed Lucy. She missed Gray and Natsu and Happy. She missed the team. Their team could never—_never_—be complete again now that Lucy was gone, but she wanted—_needed_—to glue the rest of it back together. It was heartbreaking to lose Lucy, and now she was losing everyone else too. She couldn't stand to do it alone. She couldn't bear to lose everyone again.

It took a few minutes to get her tears back under control, but then she wriggled out of Gray's grasp and averted her gaze. "Sorry," she rasped.

"It's okay," Gray said tiredly. "You're allowed to mourn too."

Erza hadn't seen him cry once since that single tear at the scene of the accident. She wondered if he thought he was allowed to mourn too or if it was out of the question since it was his 'fault'. Or if maybe he had cried all his tears all by himself and had nothing left to give.

"I should go," she mumbled. "But think about it, okay? You still have a place with us."

A long pause. "I'll think about it. You're going to see Natsu?"

"…Yeah. Probably."

"Okay. Good. He needs someone. Good luck, Erza."

Erza didn't want to leave him here all by himself, but Natsu needed her support too. Until she could bring them back together again, there was always going to be a divide.

"…Make sure you eat something, okay?" She turned away before she could change her mind and headed outside.

The sun beat down cheerfully and the pedestrians strolling past her on the street talked in voices that melted into a bright burble of sound, but it did nothing to improve her mood. She took some deep breaths as she walked, tamped down all the unlocked grief, and carefully wiped all traces of tears from her face.

By the time she'd made it down two streets, she was as outwardly composed as ever.

She headed for Lucy's apartment. Natsu and Happy stayed there frequently, so it was a safe bet. She wasn't sure if it was a great thing that they spent so much time there, but she couldn't blame them for it.

When she found the door unlocked and slipped inside, she discovered Natsu sprawled out on the bed, snoring softly. Happy was curled up beside him, but his eyes were open and watched Erza as she entered.

Erza crept over and sat on the edge of the mattress. She watched Natsu quietly for a moment, but her frown only deepened. Even in sleep he looked miserable.

"Were you with Gray?" Happy asked in a low voice.

"Yeah."

"How is he?"

"He's…not good," she answered honestly. "How is Natsu? Did you get him to…?"

"…No. He's not budging yet. I hope he figures it out soon."

"Me too." Erza sighed as Natsu twitched restlessly in his sleep. "They need each other."

"Yeah. They need all of us."

Losing Lucy was already a devastating tragedy, and they were just making something already horrible much worse. As if it wasn't bad enough to have _one _of their friends ripped away from them.

Erza had to believe, with every shred of hope she still possessed, that they could bind their shattered friendships back together.

She reached across Natsu to curl her fingers around Happy's paw, and he dropped his head on top of her hand with a sigh. At least for now they had each other, and she could only hope that someday soon they would drag all their broken pieces back together and figure out what was left.

* * *

Gray shuffled along the row of gravestones slowly, giving himself time to change his mind and back out before he made a mistake. It felt somehow disrespectful to be here, as if it was poor taste to attend the funeral of someone whose death he had caused. And if Natsu saw him, all hell would break loose.

But… He wanted to say goodbye to Lucy too. His heart was as broken as everyone else's. As wrong as it felt to be here, it felt even more wrong to refuse to attend a friend's funeral.

He had skipped the service and everything beforehand, but he at least wanted to be here for this last part.

Everyone was already gathered around the open grave, clinging to each other and crying and looking on as the coffin was prepared to be lowered. Gray knew from Erza that it had been a closed-casket affair. No one wanted to see Lucy's head smashed in and her limbs broken and twisted. They would rather remember her as she had been while alive.

Gray drew to a stop well back from the other mourners, watching quietly from the shadows. He didn't want to interfere.

His unwavering gaze fixed on the coffin.

_I'm sorry, Lucy. If I could go back, I'd find a way to do things differently and save you. I just want you to know that I'm really sorry._

He hunched his shoulders and his breath slipped from between his lips in a shuddering sigh. There was nothing he could do. He had failed to maintain the magic for long enough and Lucy was gone. There was no fixing that now, and he didn't know how much it mattered that he was sorry. No matter how sorry he was, no matter how much he tore himself apart, Lucy wasn't coming back.

_I'm sorry I told you to stop talking about your wedding. I'd listen to it all day long forever if it meant that you'd have the chance to get there._

It had been such a run-of-the-mill, ordinary job. If Gray hadn't been so weak, if he had made sure to knock the dark mage out right away instead of trying to get more information, if he had made sure all his friends got out instead of helping an enemy and assuming everyone would be alright, if he had been able to hold the magic for long enough…

If, if, if.

'If' games had never done any good before, not with his parents or Ur or Lyon or Ultear or anyone else. It was better to accept that things were the way they were instead of always thinking about how they could have been.

But it was _hard_.

"What the hell are you doing here?" a loud voice demanded.

Gray shook himself out of his reverie and tore his gaze away from the lowering of the coffin to see that Natsu had finally noticed his presence. He stepped back automatically before catching himself—as if walking away would do any good—and Natsu stormed over with a face like thunder.

People were yelling at the dragon slayer to calm down, but Gray was too focused on Natsu to pay much mind. All he had done, he realized regretfully, was create an uproar and disrupt Lucy's funeral. He shouldn't have come, he should have known better, but he had been selfish and now it was too late.

"You have a lot of nerve, showing up here." Natsu grabbed the front of Gray's shirt and yanked him forward. "How dare you come after you killed her?"

He drew his fist back. Gray watched dully, accepting that he was going to get some new bruises for his mistake. Natsu hesitated, his fist wavering, and then dropped his arm and released his grip on Gray's shirt.

"It's not worth it," he muttered.

Gray rocked back, freed from Natsu's grip, and stared at him blankly for a moment before turning away. "You're right," he rasped. "I shouldn't have come."

_I'm sorry, Natsu._

His grief had left him hollow and numb and dead after it had finished ravaging his body like wildfire, but a new, sharp thorn of pain pierced his heart. He hadn't only hurt Lucy—he had hurt everyone. And while the others might be more forgiving, he had killed his bond with his best friend as thoroughly as he had killed Lucy.

He drifted back the way he had come, but fingers curled around his wrist and drew him to a dead stop. He turned back and frowned at Natsu, wondering if there would be aggression after all.

"You were supposed to be my best man at my wedding," Natsu said in a low, raspy voice. He was staring at the ground now, eyes almost as blank as Gray's. He turned to face the funeral again and dragged Gray back to his side with an iron grip. "Now you can be my best man at her funeral."

Gray wasn't sure what to make of that, if it was a cruel jab meant to hurt him or the very beginnings of an olive branch or some mix of the two, but he didn't resist. He wouldn't refuse Natsu anything now.

So together they stood side by side once more to watch the burial of their friendship.


	3. Part 3

* * *

**Part 3**

* * *

Happy watched Natsu like a hawk, taking in all his body language and trying to gauge his mood. Unsurprisingly, he was tense and grim and unhappy. Well, as long as it didn't get bad enough to interfere.

They sat at their normal table in the guild hall, waiting. The rest of the guild went about their business, but there was an air of tension hanging over the building and its occupants like a heavy, smothering blanket. Everyone was anticipating the coming confrontation.

It was the first time they were attempting to get Natsu and Gray in the same room since the funeral, and it had taken a good deal of begging and badgering on both sides. Natsu was still reluctant and angry—although Happy had been with him nearly every hour of the day and thought he could sense at least a _slight_ easing of his vendetta—and Gray, if Erza was to be believed, took a great deal of convincing to go anywhere, especially if Natsu was involved.

Happy and Erza had high hopes, though. It was a big step just to make a meeting happen. Happy was under no illusion that this would magically fix things even if it _did _go well. Natsu was still too resentful and bitter and _sad _to just welcome Gray back with open arms. Happy didn't spend nearly as much time with Gray these days and didn't have as good an understanding of his mindset as Natsu's, but he had seen enough and heard plenty more from Erza. Not even Erza understood what dark corner of his mind Gray had retreated to, but it was obvious to everyone that he was not doing well. He was just as sad as Natsu and had a guilty conscience to boot, and he had never had quite the same resiliency as Natsu for bouncing back from grief.

But it would be a good start. Maybe they could begin arranging for Gray to come to the guild more frequently, which would have the twin bonuses of getting him to visit his friends more often and possibly reconcile with Natsu. As long as Natsu didn't strangle him first.

Natsu stiffened when the doors opened and Erza ushered Gray inside. Gray shuffled along obediently, eyes distant and fixed on the floor like usual. When the new arrivals sat down, an awkward silence engulfed the table. Natsu fidgeted restlessly, every muscle tense, while Gray sat still and emotionless as a statue and stared at the woodgrain of the tabletop.

Happy exchanged a look with Erza. They were allies in this painful process.

They attempted to start up a stilted conversation, but neither Natsu nor Gray spoke. They only stared at their respective targets: Natsu at Gray with a glare and Gray at the tabletop with no expression at all.

It was almost a relief when other people wandered over to fuss over Gray and ask after him. Gray still wasn't talkative, so Erza took over answering for him since she was the one who had been spending the most time with him.

"It's not fair," Natsu muttered under his breath as he glared across at Gray and the people clustered around him.

"They're worried about him too," Happy said. "They see you every day and can talk to you whenever they want, but he almost never comes and rarely accepts visitors. Even Erza only sees him every few days half the time. They're just checking in on him."

Natsu shook his head almost imperceptibly. "I hate him so much. It's not fair that I still worry about him too. It's not fair that I miss him anyway."

Maybe that _was _a good sign, an omen that a breakthrough was coming and Natsu was slowly coming around.

"That," said Happy, "is what makes you human."

* * *

Gray escaped the guild after only an hour or so. It was hard to be around everyone as they worried over him and gave him sad looks, hard to be around Erza and Happy as they tried valiantly to jigsaw the team back together despite its missing piece, and even harder to be around Natsu.

He headed straight for Lucy's apartment, wasting no time. He hadn't dared come before because he knew Natsu and Happy were there frequently and he didn't want to risk running into them. Natsu would be able to smell him, but there was nothing he could do about that now. He would rather deal with the consequences later than ask permission first.

He let himself in through the front door by simply molding ice into the lock as a makeshift key. He could try breaking in through the window, but that brought up too many memories.

Little bits and pieces of Lucy's life were scattered all around the apartment, and Gray averted his eyes and tried not to see. Everything was still laid out like Lucy might come walking back in at any second to pick up where she had left off, and she _wasn't_.

He made a beeline for the desk to pull open the top drawer and retrieve the manuscript collecting dust there. The edge of a page sliced along the tip of his finger, and he almost welcomed the sharp sting. It was easier to cope with than his heart.

He retreated as quickly and quietly as he had come, closing the door behind him, and headed for his apartment. His eyes stayed fixed on the manuscript as he drifted back down the street. It shook the numb hollow of his heart, slicing across it like the mother of all papercuts.

How many times had Lucy found him sitting at her desk reading her story and yelled at him to stop? He had read it all before even Levy, and eventually Lucy had given up trying to teach him a lesson and begun asking him his opinion instead. What did he think of the end of chapter fourteen? Did the pacing seem off in the middle? Did the characters' motivations seem realistic?

It was like some kind of weird book club that Gray hadn't bargained for when he started, but it had been fun. It felt good to have his opinion valued so highly and to help Lucy out and to have a project to work on with her. Lucy had been talking about finally trying to get the novel published after her wedding. Gray was supposed to be her support during that process.

Now it would just be him.

He locked himself in his apartment again and curled up on the couch. His fingers ghosted over Lucy's name printed neatly on the front, and then he flipped the page and began reading from the very beginning. Even though he already knew this story inside and out, he read it cover to cover one last time. He drank in every word Lucy had written like a man dying of thirst, reading through the afternoon and well into the night.

His eyes were sore and he was exhausted by the time he finally set the manuscript aside. He thought it should make him feel something to finish, but he wasn't sure what that was.

"It's good, of course," he said to the ghost beside him on the couch. "It always was."

Then he pulled himself to his feet with a sigh, turned out the light, and went to bed.

He was up before dawn, gathering everything together and tracking down the first prospective publisher.

* * *

Natsu glared at Gray's apartment. "I don't think I want to do this."

"You can do it," Happy encouraged. "It's been a long time since you've talked to him."

"It'll be good for the both of you," Erza added. She crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot on the cobblestones of the street. "Seriously, get in there. And we'll be waiting out here to break you two up if we hear any fighting."

Natsu huffed out a breath and stalked up to the building. Erza and Happy had finally managed to guilt him into this, but he desperately wanted to renege. He did _not _want to talk to Gray.

He rapped on the door loudly and received no response.

"Well, guess he's not home," he said.

"Try again," Erza said. "He's weird about visitors."

"You aren't getting out of this so easily," Happy added.

Natsu sighed and knocked again. Again, no one answered. He could be standing out here knocking all day until Gray opened the damn door or Erza finally let him give up.

Well, screw _that_. He stomped around to the window. It was locked, but it was no trouble to use a spark of magic to break the latch.

He glanced back at the others, who nodded encouragingly. Screw them too.

He shoved the sash up and clambered inside. Hopefully Gray actually _wasn't _here. Best case scenario.

Unfortunately, Natsu quickly spotted the ice mage on the couch. Gray was curled up against the arm and staring at nothing, eyes glazed as if totally unaware of anything or lost in thought. So, apparently that was a new habit that followed him into his own home too and wasn't just a performance for the guild. How pathetic.

"So you _were _just ignoring me," Natsu said acidly as he stalked over and planted himself in front of Gray with legs spread aggressively and arms folded over his chest.

Gray's gaze slid up slowly. His eyes still had that total lack of life or spark, and it made Natsu shift uncomfortably despite himself. It was disturbing. A sharp contrast to how Gray had been before.

"Oh," he said hollowly. "Usually it's Erza. What are you doing here?"

"Erza forced me to come."

"Oh. I see."

Natsu rolled his eyes. "Is that all you want to say?"

This was the longest 'conversation' they'd had since Lucy's death, and it was shaping up exactly like Natsu had expected it to.

"I don't know." Gray's gaze drifted away. "Did you need something?"

Yeah, he needed to be anywhere but here. "What were you doing in Lucy's apartment?" he asked instead.

It had been a surprise to go back a few days ago and find Gray's scent tracked across the place. It was the first time the ice mage had dared set foot inside.

"I thought I left a shirt over there last time I'd been there. I went to get it."

"…Right. Whatever you say." Natsu didn't buy that—Gray lost clothing so frequently that he rarely cared about any piece in particular, and he wouldn't have risked firing up a confrontation for something so stupid—but he let it go. He didn't care what Gray did. "Right, well… I know it's…not your fault that Lucy…"

Natsu's teeth ground together with the gritty scraping of bone on bone and he glared at the floor. He had been coached by Erza and Happy, but the words weren't easy to force out.

"You don't have to just repeat what Erza tells you to say," Gray said flatly.

He was right: Natsu didn't really believe that. He knew Gray hadn't intentionally killed her, he knew that something had gone wrong and there had been a mistake, but somehow that didn't seem to make it not Gray's fault.

"Why?" he rasped into the silence. "Why did you let go when you knew she was still inside?"

Gray was quiet for so long that Natsu didn't think he was going to answer.

"He was strong," Gray mumbled finally. "Stronger than I expected. I used a lot of magic. And when I beat him, he used the rest of his magic to collapse the whole building. I did what I could. It's hard to support such a big structure. I was already low on magic and the pressure of maintaining it all was too much. It hurt.

"And then it snapped and I couldn't hold it anymore. There wasn't any magic left. I knew Lucy was still inside. I knew and I couldn't do anything."

Natsu stared at his bowed head in disbelief, his fingers uncurling from the fists at his sides. The glazed look Gray had while holding the magic, his collapse afterwards instead of helping search for Lucy, his lack of a reaction… In that case, it was amazing he hadn't passed out entirely. Natsu had thought he was just exhausted and beaten up from his earlier fight.

"Why didn't you just _say_ that?" he demanded.

Gray shrugged, just a small, weary rippling of his shoulders. "What does it matter?"

"It's still better than letting us think you were just careless! It's different if you were still trying to hold it and just ran out of magic."

"Is it?" Gray met Natsu's eyes for the first time. His eyes were lifeless and resigned. "Would you blame me any less if I had?"

Natsu opened his mouth, hesitated, and closed it again. The truth was…he had probably suspected something like this all along. Even if he hadn't, he knew something had gone wrong and Gray had done his best.

And in truth…it didn't change anything.

* * *

"It's a good story and written very well, but there are some changes that would have to be made before it could go to publishing." The publisher cleared his throat awkwardly and leaned back in his high-backed chair. "I understand that the author is…deceased. I'm sorry for your loss. Could you find someone who could make the necessary changes to the manuscript?"

Gray stared back at him blankly. "Couldn't you just publish it posthumously as is?"

"For an established author with significant literary laurels to rest on, we could make an exception. For an untried, unknown author, the work would have to be able to stand on its own merit. Will you be able to make the changes?"

"…Yes. I'll take care of it."

"Wonderful. I look forward to hearing from you soon, Mr. Fullbuster. Enjoy your afternoon."

Gray consented to shake the man's hand before snatching up the manuscript and escaping the stuffy office. He flipped through the pages as he wandered back down the bustling street and almost ran into a middle-aged man for his inattention. Notes had been scribbled into the margins in red pen and things had been circled or underlined with suggested solutions added to clarify. Lucy was a competent writer, so Gray suspected these were mostly cosmetic changes.

He headed home, sat down at his desk, and dropped the manuscript in front of him. And stared at it, as if it might hold the secrets of the universe if he just stared hard enough. Or, rather, as if it might tell him what he should do now.

This was Lucy's work, and it felt wrong to tamper with it. Was it disrespectful to alter what she had written? He would rather have it published in its original, unedited form that was completely Lucy, but his recent enquiries were making it painfully clear that that was unlikely to happen.

He was reluctant to change a single word. This was Lucy's story—was _Lucy_—and he didn't want to alter the pieces of herself that she had written out on paper. And even if he could get over that, there remained the problem that he was by no means a writer. An occasional sounding board during the writing process, maybe, but he had never written or edited a story and didn't feel qualified to start now. He felt out of his depth. At least they should be mostly minor changes, he supposed.

Because there was no real option, no matter how much he delayed.

With a sigh, Gray flipped open to the first page with red marks and picked up his pen.

* * *

When Erza knocked, Gray only opened his door a crack and peered out.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

Gray wavered. "I'm kind of busy right now."

"Really?" she asked in surprise. As far as she could tell, Gray didn't do much of anything these days. "With what?"

"I've…picked up a new project."

"That's great!" she said, pleased. It had to be a good sign that he was lifting out of his depression enough to actually work on something meaningful. He could use a good project to give him something to focus on other than his grief. "Can I see it?"

"When it's done."

Erza pouted. "But–"

"When it's finished, you can look at it however much you want. I…really want to get this done as quickly as possible. I'm going to be really busy for a few weeks, alright?"

"So…I can't come in?"

Gray sighed. "Not today, Erza."

Her lips twisted into a frown. "And not as frequently until you're finished, is what you're saying."

"…Yeah."

Erza tried and failed to mask her disappointment. "If that's what you want. As long as I can still visit sometimes. It's good that you have a project, at least."

"Yeah, sure. Another day, okay?"

"…Fine."

She huffed out a sigh and headed back down the walk. If Gray wasn't going to give her the time of day, she supposed she might as well go to the guild. Happy had said Natsu seemed to be doing a little better lately, and she'd like to keep that on a roll.

"Erza?" Gray called after her. She turned back and arched an eyebrow in question. Gray bit his lip and dropped his gaze to the ground. "You're a really good friend," he said softly.

And he retreated faster than thought, the door snapping shut with a click.

Erza blinked at the door blankly for a few seconds and then smiled to herself as she resumed her trek to the guild. Maybe things were starting to get a tiny bit better after all.

* * *

"Look what I found!" Levy cried breathlessly. She rushed into the guild and paused to bend over and catch her breath.

Natsu gave her an incurious once-over. He didn't really care. But he still drifted over to join the circle of mages gathering to see what all the fuss was about. There was nothing better to do besides mope.

"What's that?" Gajeel grunted, gesturing to the book she was holding.

"It's Lucy's book." Levy straightened up and held it out for them to see. _The Adventure of Iris _by Lucy Heartfilia-Dragneel. "I was in the bookstore and found this on the shelf for new releases."

Natsu's breath caught in his throat as he stared at the name printed on the cover. _Lucy Heartfilia-Dragneel_. That was _his _Lucy. Although they hadn't had time to get married before…

"Weren't you the one who was reading her story?" Gajeel asked.

Levy shook her head. "It wasn't me. But there _was _one other person who read it even before I did…"

"Gray," Natsu croaked, and everyone looked at him.

How many times had Lucy complained to him about Gray sneaking in to read her story? And then later, how often had she talked about how Gray was giving her advice and opinions on what he read? If Levy hadn't published the book, there was only one other person who could have.

Natsu snatched the book away from her and stared down at it, drinking it in greedily. These were Lucy's words, Lucy's ideas, Lucy's thoughts. He flipped the cover open and began riffling through the pages, but came to a dead stop when he opened up to the dedication scrawled in the beginning.

_In loving memory of Lucy Heartfilia-Dragneel. You were our light, and we're lost without you. Congratulations on publishing your novel, even if it was a little late._

_I'm sorry._

Some strange, niggling feeling squirmed in his chest. "Has anyone seen Gray lately?"

"He hasn't come to the guild in days," Cana said with a shrug.

Erza sucked in a breath. "He kept telling me that he was busy with a project—which must have been this—and last week he told me not to bother dropping by because he'd be too busy. He didn't answer when I did try to visit. I haven't seen him in over a week."

If _Erza _hadn't seen him, then it was unlikely that anyone had.

"Shit," Natsu breathed.

He took off at a run, and footsteps pounded along behind him as Erza and Happy followed. He raced down the street and didn't even bother knocking on the door to Gray's apartment before kicking it down.

"Gray?" he called to the empty rooms. It smelled stale, like no one had been in here for days.

"Over here!" Erza called.

Natsu spun around and hurried over to where Erza and Happy were standing by the desk in the living room. They were staring down at a scrap of paper with two words written on it in Gray's neat script:

_I'm sorry._

Coiled on top of the edge of the page lay a familiar silver chain and pendant.

"That's it?" Erza whispered. Her voice wavered and her eyes filled with tears.

"He's… He's not coming back, is he?" Happy asked quietly.

"No," Natsu said shortly. "He's not."

He picked up the necklace with trembling fingers and the metal points bit into his skin painfully.

Gray hadn't been doing well since Lucy's death. He hadn't really returned to the guild. Even on the occasions when he had tried, Natsu had done his best to chase him back out. Of course he didn't feel welcome here, not with Natsu holding a grudge and Gray's own guilt and memories smothering everything.

Where had he gone? Was he trying to rebuild a life elsewhere? To find a hidey-hole to rot away in? To recover or waste away in grief? Natsu didn't know, but he instinctively knew that he wouldn't find Gray no matter how long he searched, just as he knew that Gray would not be coming back.

That should make him happy, but it didn't. Of course it didn't. However angry at the world Natsu was for Lucy's untimely death, he shouldn't have taken it out on Gray. He knew better. If he'd had more time, he could have worked through it and tried to rebuild. But now it was too late.

Who was going to be there to stop Gray from taking stupid risks and nearly killing himself? Who was going to be there to make sure he kept fighting and didn't give up when he was drowning in guilt? Who was going to be there to give him a shoulder to lean on and make sure he didn't have to grieve alone? Who was going to be there to tease and joke until he could smile again?

Those had been his friends' jobs. They had been—should have been—Natsu's jobs. But Natsu had waited too long and no one had been able to get through to Gray no matter how hard they tried and Gray had been too stubborn to let them help him.

And Natsu's heart shattered all over again, because first he had lost the love of his life and now he had lost his best friend for good too.

**Author's Note:**

> Oops. I sort of debated whether or not to include something from Lucy's POV in the beginning, but then I remembered that I'm heartless so I did. I'm still sort of uninspired by Nalu in general, but it's not like I have a real problem with it so I figured I could use it as a vehicle. Now that the basic premise is out of the way, let's tear the entire team apart for funsies because I'm a horrible person and that's the actual focus of the story.


End file.
